I Bet You Feel Bad About Not Buying More Oxyclean.

I woke up at a very reasonable hour this morning(10:30am) and followed my usual routine(pee, wipe the sleep out of my eyes, take a shot of bourbon, log on to the interwebs) to find that Billy Mays has passed away. My first initial reaction was "Vince the ShamWow Guy had something to do with this". I just have a feeling that Vince the ShamWow Guy was looking for a way to redeem himself in the eyes of the consumer after he got his skinny ass kicked by a skanky hooker. I imagine him sitting down to a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch and thinking to himself "Vince the ShamWow Guy, you have really screwed the proverbial pooch here. You've got to do something to make the public forget about your arrest and make your face associated with good things again, like medium sized, brightly colored, highly absorbant towels."
Then I imagine he looks at underage porn, maybe does a little dusting in his studio above his grandmother's garage, possibly makes care packages for soldiers in Iraq, and then all of a sudden it hits him(like the skanky hooker did)! Billy Mays has to go. With Billy Mays gone, Oxyclean will have no choice but to choose him as the new spokesperson for their highly overrated product! Then my imagination gets a little fuzzy here and the details of how he plans on carrying out this brilliant plot aren't that clear. But I'm guessing it has something to do with a hairless ninja cat.
And here we are, 48hrs. later reading about how poor Billy Mays has passed away and will forever be linked to Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, and Farah Fawcett in the week of celebrity deaths.
Sad times ya'll, sad times.

He totally looks like Benicio Del Torro in The Usual Suspects!